The Darkest Night With The Devil In Disguise.

Was this the day? Am I going to be another statistic on the news of a girl dying by the hands of her abusive boyfriend?

It was actually a decent day that day, no fighting, not being criticized, just normal for once. I needed normal for once it seemed everyday was always something, so to be able just to hang out and everything be okay was an awesome feeling.

It was a nice summer day and there we were just hanging outside listening to music, playing with his nephew, and enjoying his mother’s company. We finally were fine for once. I was dancing with his little nephew and catching froggies as he would call them. Just a normal summer day as I recalled and he was finally in a good mood. His mother left to go home as the sun started to set, his sister and nephew were living there at the time so they stayed.

My sons were in Florida at the time I was waiting for their FaceTime call. They finally called and we talked for awhile. When we hung up I looked over at him sensing something wrong, so I asked him what was the matter. I should of known not to ask that question because he could flip from being normal to the devil in a blink of an eye.

There he proceeded to pin me down on the bed while he choked me, I frantically tried getting his hands away from my neck. They were so tight and strong I couldn’t do anything. His sister opened up the door because she heard the noises while yelling what are you doing? Get off of her! He turned to her now pinning her up and choking her against the wall.

What would any normal person do run for it while he was preoccupied or put the attention back on yourself? Well I am not the type to stand by and let someone else get hurt, so I put the attention back on myself. Her son woke up by that time and she had him in her arms, screaming for me to hurry as she stood by the front door. I thought I had lost him as I was running around to different parts of the house. While I tried to reach her at the front door he stopped in the middle of us. Turning to his sister and busting her lip open as she held his own nephew in her hands.

No not her I thought as I jumped on his back to put the focus on me once again. I yelled out Go, Get out of here! You guys get somewhere safe don’t worry about me! I could see her hesitation at first as I was being dragged by my hair on the floor but her son needed to be out of there and both of them safe. I was punched, kicked, and threw around like a rag doll which seemed like forever. I would get away and run around to try and hide. I of course avoided the gun room I didn’t need that to pop in his head at the time. I ran around the dining room table and boom he just jumped up on it like Spider-Man where he was right in front of me, with the most evil look.

After a few more hits and feeling helpless I got away once again. I don’t know how I did but I had finally lost him. I was hiding in a room I could hear him yelling out my name, my heart beating faster then ever, & panicking about what I was going to do. I see a window, thank goodness. So I opened it as I could hear him getting closer, I couldn’t get the screen open, shit what now? He was closer I could hear panicking I just ripped the screen open and jumped out.

Finally I’m free I thought as I tried to get back up on my feet to run, but that didn’t last long as he somehow was right behind me tackling me to the ground before I even had a chance. How did he manage to get there so quickly I still ponder on that. He drug me by my hair back towards the window I had just jumped out of while shoving and punching me back into it. This is it, I said to myself I am going to be on the news tomorrow. My sons will grow up without their mother because a narcissistic sociopath is going to take my life and I can’t stop him.

It seemed like hours being in that house, the torture, the pain, and the fear were all unbearable. I don’t know how I managed to get away once again but when I did I made a run for it. Finally I reached the front door and opened it. I’m free I just got to make it too his sister, but as soon as I opened that front door, I was shoved so hard that it felt like I had just hit a car. My neck went back as my body flew forward, my chin hit the porch, and then my head. I must have blacked out for the moment because next thing I know I’m laying face down, not moving, while he kicked me in my ribs telling me to wake up stupid bitch. I laid there for a second trying to process the situation, then I heard his sister yell from the inside of her car to please get up and get in the car.

I forced myself up and ran as fast as I could. I made it as I slammed the car door and locked it, there he was banging on the window. He was trying to get in, she had already been on the phone with the cops, so I honestly don’t really know how much time I had spent in his hell but it seemed never ending. He screamed something and went inside the house, my thought was he was going to get a gun. He’s going to shoot me, as I raised my concern to her, I was about to open the car door. If he comes back out with a gun then drive off, I told his sister. She told me not to open the door but I was not going to let that little boy get hurt or her again. She’s screaming for the cops to hurry up and what was taking so long. He comes back out and I’m ready to open up the door if I see a gun, but he didn’t have gun. He had a belt or something in his hands so I let go of the door handle.

I finally heard the sirens coming down the dirt road while he screamed at me he will show me. He left off into the dark woods and the cops pulled in. The relief I felt was the best feeling ever. I was finally safe and I wasn’t going to be on the news tomorrow. I could finally breathe all though I was still panicky and in shock. They eventually found him, I guess he tried killing himself with a belt and they took him to the hospital. Great trick I thought to myself anything to avoid jail right? The cops took pictures, took statements, and everything they are supposed to do. I went to the hospital to get checked out. I obviously had bruises all over, scratches, scrapes, a busted chin, and a broken front too. So they did cat scans and X-rays. My X-ray showed I had some fractured ribs and had internal bruising but my cat scan came back normal thank goodness.

I got to go home that night thanking God for letting me survive and not letting me be another statistic. I was sore for awhile and I didn’t FaceTime my kids until my face was better. He ended up avoiding jail by going to a mental hospital and getting put on medication. The times before obviously had changed me but that night had the greatest impact on who I am today. That night will forever haunt me and make me realize I am lucky to be alive at the same time.

I am stronger, braver, and more fiercely than I would of ever realized. I have fought battles others would never know because I hold the scars inside. Do not ever judge me because you could not walk a mile in my shoes. I am a survivor, I am a warrior, I am me!

Signs You Are In A Narcissistic Abusive Relationship

  • You notice your not the same person as before
  • Your self-esteem has lowered and you are always anxious
  • You feel like no matter what you do it’s always wrong
  • Always apologizing for little things that shouldn’t have too
  • Feeling of fear everyday and walking on eggshells
  • You are isolated from your friends and family
  • Double thinking everything you say or do before; just in case you make them mad
  • Eventually knowing your opinion, feelings, and words don’t matter so you just become empty agreeing with everything they say
  • You feel crazy even when you aren’t because they have made you feel like you are
  • You blame yourself when you shouldn’t
  • Everyone close to you notices a difference in you but you just make excuses
  • Feeling trapped like you have no choice whether you want to leave
  • Staying because they promise to change and once again you believe them or they use the I will kill myself if you leave me
  • You are not happy at all you feel as if your soul is dead you are just an empty shell
  • They are different then what they seem to be in a public setting
  • Taking all your money because their wants come first
  • Always making excuses for your partner even though deep down you know the truth
  • Lying about every bruise, scratch, scrap etc
  • Never knowing what the day will turn out to be will it be decent or he’ll
  • Feeling like your a prisoner in your own relationship
  • If you recognize these and feel these signs you are in a toxic relationship. It will never get better, no matter what promises they make you.

  • He Stole Her Soul.

    She had fire that burned with passion in her heart.

    Her eyes would sparkle with the sun light.

    Her smile & laugh were so bright.

    She had a wild soul full of love that you could fall in love with that first sight.

    She fell head over heels for the perfect guy.

    She was so in love where she felt so high.

    Until the day he took off his mask.

    He started ruining her more each day.

    It all happened so fast she didn’t know what to say.

    She lost that sparkle in her eye as each day went by.

    She always questioned him why.

    As she covered up the bruises in the mirror.

    She knew this wasn’t love that was getting clearer.

    Her self worth and soul were taken away.

    He made sure of that by each day.

    She questioned herself & wondered what she did so wrong.

    All she did was show him love all along.

    The violence got worse but she kept it inside.

    Her smile wasn’t bright anymore as she tried to hide behind it.

    She just couldn’t take it anymore one bit.

    He took away her soul as to where she was weak.

    He made sure she believed she was a freak.

    She started to think about who she used to be.

    Each bruise and cut, she just thought how could this be me.

    She knew she wouldn’t make it if she were to stay.

    She just couldn’t seem to find her way.

    Her soul was broken so what could she do.

    He had already managed to take everyone away from her too.

    Finally she realized she has had enough.

    She remembered she used to be tough.

    She took her broken soul & finally broke free.

    She finally realized what she couldn’t see.

    She got the strength and walked away.

    She knew if she stayed she would be dead one day.

    Is The Relationship Different Behind Closed Doors?

    7C2081A9-962C-4F8C-847E-8C39D6755ADBDo you ever notice when you and your partner are out in public he’s charming, nice, engaging, but when you get back to the house they are completely different? If your answer is yes, then you most likely are dating a narcissist and in a toxic relationship. Most likely you already knew that or your still in the hypnosis stage of the narcissist. If you don’t understand that part it is like you are in this trance that you thought you never would be in. Do you find yourself thinking what is going on or who am I, since you have been in the relationship? If you answered yes again then yes, your relationship is toxic and most likely dealing with a narcissist.

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    So you met someone who seemed too good to be true, am I right? It was like love at first sight, so charming, so intriguingsomeone you always wanted to fall in love with. Your partner probably gets along with everyone because of their charismatic nature, always so self composed, and caring. At first they wanted to know everything about you, weaknesses, problems, life struggles, every little detail. I bet you thought they really care obviously since they are so intrigued about me right? That is your partner gaining knowledge to use against you, they are preparing, but first they need you to fall in love. Love Bombing is what they do best. Just remember while you are reading this it is NOT your fault and it can happen to anyone. They said all the right things in the beginning, you told them about past shitty ex’s most likely & their response was you don’t have to worry about that with me, or something along the lines of that. They also did all the right things in the beginning where you felt so high on love that nothing could bring you down. So the Love Bombing worked, and you end up head over heels. Your narc has you now wrapped around their twisted little finger, without you even knowing because why would you they are everything and more. Time goes by a little and day by day things seem to change. Their attitude when you guys are alone might seem harsher, you might notice come criticism, and controlling behavior. They can not just go full-blown narcissist on you yet, they have to slowly ease towards it first before they rip off their mask completely. You might not notice them easing towards the side you thought you would have never seen at first because you love them.

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    The mask ended up coming completely off right? They went slow at first starting with little things to soul suck you draining every ounce of self-esteem you had. They started criticizing everything, the way you dressed, looked, how you are supposed to feel. They started controlling every aspect of you life, who you could be friends with, how you could dress, how you had to have them with you if you ever wanted to hang out with friends. They ended up isolating you from everyone including family because who needs anybody else when you have them. The longer it went or goes by you find yourself feeling like a puppet while your partner pulls the strings. If you ever mention anything about how you feel, you are overreacting and crazy, so you start to double think maybe your making a big deal about nothing. You are living in hell literally, walking on eggshells, double thinking what you do or say because you do not want to set them off.  Your mind ends up blank because opinions, what are those? You are not allowed to disagree with your partner. Who would you tell anyways because nobody would believe that such a charming and nice person would act like that.

    Living In Terror, right? Everyday you just pray things will get better it never does, you always end up doing something to set them off even while trying your best not too, but it never happens. Through the mental abuse you now are dead inside living in a shell. Most of the time it will turn violent in these types of relationships. Even though you have the bruises or whatever that are visible, if someone asks about them you lie. Who would believe you anyways? Everyone close to you will notice a difference in the way you hold yourself most likely, so they might start suspecting things. They might finally try to talk to you about it but you can’t say anything, well it seems like that at the moment. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

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    When they do domestically abuse you, they are sorry right? Yea of course they pretend to be sorry, they can not lose their puppet they have been playing with. They might even use the tactic of I’m going to kill my self cause I’m so horrible, so now you’re consoling them, most likely telling your partner everything is fine when you know it’s not. So it will be your fault in the end because if you hadn’t done this they wouldn’t have lost their temper. Are you realizing now that is not love? Your partner will sense that so they will put back on their mask to make everything seem like it’s back to normal. Catch and release is what I like to call it, they are nice and you feel at ease just like a fish finally being released back into the water. They see you bought it so they take the mask back off boom catched again, like a fish struggling for water. You can’t leave until they are finished most of the time. If you can then do it now so you don’t become another woman dead at the hands of her abuser. In most cases they will just ghost you because they need or found a new puppet. You will most likely wonder what you did wrong, why did they just leave, but take it as a win. You will realize how better off you are but you will go through some emotional overload at first, just take the time to heal whether it is months or a year it is different for everyone. Now if you read this and are in a relationship now that matches this. LEAVE them now, no you can not fix them, no they will not change, and yes it will just get worse. You are not dumb or naive, you are a warrior with a caring heart. With all off that being said to the survivors you are stronger than you might think and same to the ones who are suffering silently.

    Much Love- Delightfully Chaotic