Tips On Becoming A Happier Person.

  • Find joy in every moment you experience
  • Get rid of things you don’t need
  • Make time for yourself
  • Get out & experience new things, take a chance & get out of your comfort zone
  • Take time for yourself (putting yourself first every now & then don’t make you selfish)
  • Spend time outdoors & breathe in the fresh air
  • Get out of bed & do something you enjoy
  • Had a silly fight with an old friend? Reconnect with them
  • Make time for the people you love
  • Stop complaining about everything that is going wrong & cherish what is going right
  • Let go of the bitterness & grudges you hold onto
  • Meditate & talk to someone
  • Write down your goals & dreams; Work towards them
  • Be yourself don’t change for anybody
  • Be confident & courageous
  • Always be kind but never anyone’s stepping stone

The Darkest Night With The Devil In Disguise.

Was this the day? Am I going to be another statistic on the news of a girl dying by the hands of her abusive boyfriend?

It was actually a decent day that day, no fighting, not being criticized, just normal for once. I needed normal for once it seemed everyday was always something, so to be able just to hang out and everything be okay was an awesome feeling.

It was a nice summer day and there we were just hanging outside listening to music, playing with his nephew, and enjoying his mother’s company. We finally were fine for once. I was dancing with his little nephew and catching froggies as he would call them. Just a normal summer day as I recalled and he was finally in a good mood. His mother left to go home as the sun started to set, his sister and nephew were living there at the time so they stayed.

My sons were in Florida at the time I was waiting for their FaceTime call. They finally called and we talked for awhile. When we hung up I looked over at him sensing something wrong, so I asked him what was the matter. I should of known not to ask that question because he could flip from being normal to the devil in a blink of an eye.

There he proceeded to pin me down on the bed while he choked me, I frantically tried getting his hands away from my neck. They were so tight and strong I couldn’t do anything. His sister opened up the door because she heard the noises while yelling what are you doing? Get off of her! He turned to her now pinning her up and choking her against the wall.

What would any normal person do run for it while he was preoccupied or put the attention back on yourself? Well I am not the type to stand by and let someone else get hurt, so I put the attention back on myself. Her son woke up by that time and she had him in her arms, screaming for me to hurry as she stood by the front door. I thought I had lost him as I was running around to different parts of the house. While I tried to reach her at the front door he stopped in the middle of us. Turning to his sister and busting her lip open as she held his own nephew in her hands.

No not her I thought as I jumped on his back to put the focus on me once again. I yelled out Go, Get out of here! You guys get somewhere safe don’t worry about me! I could see her hesitation at first as I was being dragged by my hair on the floor but her son needed to be out of there and both of them safe. I was punched, kicked, and threw around like a rag doll which seemed like forever. I would get away and run around to try and hide. I of course avoided the gun room I didn’t need that to pop in his head at the time. I ran around the dining room table and boom he just jumped up on it like Spider-Man where he was right in front of me, with the most evil look.

After a few more hits and feeling helpless I got away once again. I don’t know how I did but I had finally lost him. I was hiding in a room I could hear him yelling out my name, my heart beating faster then ever, & panicking about what I was going to do. I see a window, thank goodness. So I opened it as I could hear him getting closer, I couldn’t get the screen open, shit what now? He was closer I could hear panicking I just ripped the screen open and jumped out.

Finally I’m free I thought as I tried to get back up on my feet to run, but that didn’t last long as he somehow was right behind me tackling me to the ground before I even had a chance. How did he manage to get there so quickly I still ponder on that. He drug me by my hair back towards the window I had just jumped out of while shoving and punching me back into it. This is it, I said to myself I am going to be on the news tomorrow. My sons will grow up without their mother because a narcissistic sociopath is going to take my life and I can’t stop him.

It seemed like hours being in that house, the torture, the pain, and the fear were all unbearable. I don’t know how I managed to get away once again but when I did I made a run for it. Finally I reached the front door and opened it. I’m free I just got to make it too his sister, but as soon as I opened that front door, I was shoved so hard that it felt like I had just hit a car. My neck went back as my body flew forward, my chin hit the porch, and then my head. I must have blacked out for the moment because next thing I know I’m laying face down, not moving, while he kicked me in my ribs telling me to wake up stupid bitch. I laid there for a second trying to process the situation, then I heard his sister yell from the inside of her car to please get up and get in the car.

I forced myself up and ran as fast as I could. I made it as I slammed the car door and locked it, there he was banging on the window. He was trying to get in, she had already been on the phone with the cops, so I honestly don’t really know how much time I had spent in his hell but it seemed never ending. He screamed something and went inside the house, my thought was he was going to get a gun. He’s going to shoot me, as I raised my concern to her, I was about to open the car door. If he comes back out with a gun then drive off, I told his sister. She told me not to open the door but I was not going to let that little boy get hurt or her again. She’s screaming for the cops to hurry up and what was taking so long. He comes back out and I’m ready to open up the door if I see a gun, but he didn’t have gun. He had a belt or something in his hands so I let go of the door handle.

I finally heard the sirens coming down the dirt road while he screamed at me he will show me. He left off into the dark woods and the cops pulled in. The relief I felt was the best feeling ever. I was finally safe and I wasn’t going to be on the news tomorrow. I could finally breathe all though I was still panicky and in shock. They eventually found him, I guess he tried killing himself with a belt and they took him to the hospital. Great trick I thought to myself anything to avoid jail right? The cops took pictures, took statements, and everything they are supposed to do. I went to the hospital to get checked out. I obviously had bruises all over, scratches, scrapes, a busted chin, and a broken front too. So they did cat scans and X-rays. My X-ray showed I had some fractured ribs and had internal bruising but my cat scan came back normal thank goodness.

I got to go home that night thanking God for letting me survive and not letting me be another statistic. I was sore for awhile and I didn’t FaceTime my kids until my face was better. He ended up avoiding jail by going to a mental hospital and getting put on medication. The times before obviously had changed me but that night had the greatest impact on who I am today. That night will forever haunt me and make me realize I am lucky to be alive at the same time.

I am stronger, braver, and more fiercely than I would of ever realized. I have fought battles others would never know because I hold the scars inside. Do not ever judge me because you could not walk a mile in my shoes. I am a survivor, I am a warrior, I am me!

I Might Be A Little Chaotic But At Least I’m Delightful

Well I am 27 year old, sarcastic, stubborn, & feisty woman. I have two sons ages 11 and 7, who are complete opposites and they are my world. I have decided to start blogging, I have no idea if I will be good at it but it’s worth a try. In my 27 years of life I’ve honestly had more then my fair shares of chaos. I have always said there was a dark cloud that follows me around. I decided to write about experiences I have suffered to reach out to those who maybe have experienced the same thing or are silently suffering. My goal is to let others know they are not alone and can reach out to me about anything, because I have most likely been through a similar situation and if I haven’t then I’m always here to talk. I have suffered mental, emotional, & domestic abuse. I’ve dealt with narcissists, sociopaths, & pathological liars. So obviously I’ve also dealt with my fair share of mental health issues & anxiety, along with autoimmune diseases that are chronic. Like I said a dark cloud follows me. Through all of the things I have been through I have survived even surviving a suicide attempt which I honestly shouldn’t have, but I’m glad I did. So I’m hoping I am here for a reason, even if it is just impacting one persons life by reaching out. I will not let my past define me or my happiness. I might be empathetic but I am done being other people’s stepping stone. If you are a survivor or silently suffering please reach out whenever you need to. I’m always available most of the time & will get back as soon as I can if you do reach out, there is no judgement here. Don’t forget to hit That subscribe and follow button.

Much Love❤️

-Delightfully Chaotic 💋

To The Sister Who I No Longer Have & The Dark Cloud That Follows, I Will Not Be Stopped!

Why do I have the worst luck? Why can’t one thing go right? Why is life out to get me? Why is there a black cloud following me?

Those are the questions I end up asking myself at least once a week. This damn black cloud that follows me sure does not give up. I sometimes wonder if my ancestors pissed off a witch or something. The witch must of put a curse on everybody including their children’s children and so on. Something literally had to have happened because I can’t make my bad luck go away.

I am an empath so my personality is always putting others first, if I had it you had it. Should I feel bad for thinking maybe I shouldn’t be, because honestly maybe if I wasn’t a good person maybe I’d never have had to go through half of what I’ve been through. You give everything you can until the users and abusers have drained your soul, but yet just can’t stop helping out.

I know there are people out there who are worse off, I will not ever second guess that. At least I have a place to stay and healthy kids, so I can’t complain too much. I just wonder though why does it not only storm when it rains but strikes me with lightening. When something bad happens does it seem like it is like a domino effect?

At a young age I started getting weird symptoms of different things, every year seemed to be something new. I was pretty much like a lab rat because doctors could never figure out what was going on. I mean who would have symptoms like these this young? The final result and actually the last time I went to the specialist was I had Mixture Connective Tissue Disease, which is an autoimmune disease that mimics whatever it wants. I live with chronic pain everyday and it is just getting worse so I am finally going back when they can get me in. So my own body doesn’t like me pretty much and I just wonder what have I done to this universe to hate me so much that my own body does as well.

Even all my past relationships have been horrible, I always fall for a narcissistic horrible person. Even after realizing I just think they need to be shown love in order to love. That is never the case they just want to mentally, physically, financially abuse you. I have had everything taken from me, from my self esteem to the way I look at things. I used to be hopeful, goofy, and actually could put on a real smile instead of a fake one. The world is really cruel I have realized, I even started preparing my sons that not everything or everyone is who they pretend to be. Now that is a sad thing when you just have to let them know so they aren’t oblivious to the world.

I stopped hoping for the best and just preparing for the worse because that is all I receive pretty much. I get scared when I am actually happy because I know what follows that, always a broken heart and more questions. I have gotten so used to it, that when people get shocked and say they are so sorry I always reply it’s life nonchalantly because that’s what I expect. No matter what is happening in my life it always shows me never get too comfortable, it will change soon.

I even know not to trust family, I’ve seen the worst from them. I guess because I expect them to be different from others it hurts worse. If you asked me a month ago if I had a sister I would say yes, now if you ask me I will say no. No matter what anyone has done to me in my life nothing beats what she did, so she is dead to me as cruel as it might sound, but in my eyes I have no sibling. The older sister I used to have is dead to me, the one I helped out more then I should have. When she needed money I gave it to her, let her borrow my car whenever she needed, or bought whatever she needed. She was family and that’s what family does right?

So this is the part where I messed up at, thinking life was actually going great and was going to get better. Yeah that changed fast quickly and still is not stopping seems like. See I worked with developmentally delayed or mental health residents. So once again even being at work all I am doing is helping people. I worked evenings for too long and just waited it out hoping for a day shift to open up. Finally it did and I could be home with my sons every night. So now I’m working a day time shift with great days off, home with my kids every night, and out of my abusive relationship. Things were finally going as planned and I was so thankful, this is the break I needed.

Life was awesome and finally coming together, until the person who I used to identify as my sister did what she does best. See she has always been a manipulative narcissistic pathological liar. She was always messing up someone’s life and even though it did mine a lot it wasn’t as big of a deal and still would help her out whenever. She was still supposed to be my sister even if she was always lying or making something up about me to someone else,who cares right because I know who I am.

Then the day came actually not too long ago, this past Thursday, that she did something I wouldn’t even do to my own worst enemy. She never liked being called out in her lies but if I already had proof I would and she’d throw a fit. So she tries getting me kicked out of the house by telling my mother how I was saying all of these things behind her back. I’m not one too talk behind a back I will gladly say it to your face and own up to it. Next thing I know I’m getting kicked out, I confront my sister, she denies it of course, but I already knew and she threw a fit. Well her plan didn’t work because my mother and I talked and figured what we already had known to be true that she was back to her ways again.

She didn’t win once again and that really pisses her off. So it is Thursday which is my Friday and the day is going great. It is an hour away from my shift to end and weekend to begin so I was excited, but that quickly turned for the worse. My boss turns to me and tells me how she had been trying to fight this but it is out of her control while handing me a piece of paper. I am so confused like what’s going on and realized how someone had called and lied about a bunch of stuff about me, she asked if I had any clue as to who it could of been. I automatically knew and I was let go! A job I have had for years that I actually liked and had a shift I wanted just gone? I couldn’t believe it, why? How could your own blood go as low as getting their sister and the mother of her nephews fired? I still can’t believe it as I am writing this.

Now I am jobless with two sons who depend on me, bills piling up, what am I going to do? While she live at the same place as me so I have to see her everyday just drives me crazy. No matter how angry I am, I couldn’t do anything because she has a brain disorder and has had 16 brain surgeries. So she is considered disabled and gets a check, she has no idea what it is like having to put someone else first or having someone depend on her. How could someone be that low, especially your own sister? At least I had finally set up therapy for the first time in my life beforehand and my appointment was the next day. That should help a little right? Get some things off my chest for once, I have never been good at explaining my feelings but I definitely could now.It is Friday and the day of my appointment of course I barely slept and still am in disbelief. I realize it is time to start getting ready for my appointment. Of course, as I said it, I get a call to reschedule the appointment because she is out of office today. The domino effect and black cloud are working together now. Just been one thing after another.

I am trying to stay strong for my sons but it is very hard. I have been questioning, maybe I am actually a bad person, but I know I am not. I have been given a shitty hand all my life and for what reason? I really am thinking that this black cloud is not going to stop till I finally break. My heart is just getting colder and maybe I should be a monster. Just become a bad person because being good is not getting me anywhere. They say the good guys finish last right? That thought has crossed my mind way too much the past couple of days and I still can’t bring myself to be a horrible person. The cycle will just continue if I do, because my sons would see that is the way to be and I can not let them be horrible people. I will tell you it is very hard trying to mentally heal yourself and be a parent at the same time, because all I want to do is give up, but I can’t. Not only is it I can’t, I won’t give up. I have always been a fighter and protector, so I will not let that stop me. I will do better and achieve more, just to prove you can’t keep me down. What doesn’t kill ya makes ya stronger right? My motivation to succeed is not stopping and I will get there. Until then I am just an only child, who is fighting a dark cloud, and will let karma finish the rest.

Don’t Stop Just Keep Going

  • Keep Going!
  • No matter how Stuck you feel in life.
  • No matter how Bad things get for you.
  • No matter how many night you’ve spent Crying yourself to sleep
  • No matter how Hopeless you feel about everything.
  • No matter how many days you have went Comparing yourself to others.
  • No matter how many times people have tried to Bring You Down.
  • No matter the days you have felt like you Can’t Do Anything Right.
  • No matter how many people Judge you.
  • No matter what Fears you have.
    No matter how many days you have went Wishing things were Different.
  • You will not feel this way Forever, I promise. Just start living life how you want too, but just Keep Going!