Is The Relationship Different Behind Closed Doors?

7C2081A9-962C-4F8C-847E-8C39D6755ADBDo you ever notice when you and your partner are out in public he’s charming, nice, engaging, but when you get back to the house they are completely different? If your answer is yes, then you most likely are dating a narcissist and in a toxic relationship. Most likely you already knew that or your still in the hypnosis stage of the narcissist. If you don’t understand that part it is like you are in this trance that you thought you never would be in. Do you find yourself thinking what is going on or who am I, since you have been in the relationship? If you answered yes again then yes, your relationship is toxic and most likely dealing with a narcissist.

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So you met someone who seemed too good to be true, am I right? It was like love at first sight, so charming, so intriguingsomeone you always wanted to fall in love with. Your partner probably gets along with everyone because of their charismatic nature, always so self composed, and caring. At first they wanted to know everything about you, weaknesses, problems, life struggles, every little detail. I bet you thought they really care obviously since they are so intrigued about me right? That is your partner gaining knowledge to use against you, they are preparing, but first they need you to fall in love. Love Bombing is what they do best. Just remember while you are reading this it is NOT your fault and it can happen to anyone. They said all the right things in the beginning, you told them about past shitty ex’s most likely & their response was you don’t have to worry about that with me, or something along the lines of that. They also did all the right things in the beginning where you felt so high on love that nothing could bring you down. So the Love Bombing worked, and you end up head over heels. Your narc has you now wrapped around their twisted little finger, without you even knowing because why would you they are everything and more. Time goes by a little and day by day things seem to change. Their attitude when you guys are alone might seem harsher, you might notice come criticism, and controlling behavior. They can not just go full-blown narcissist on you yet, they have to slowly ease towards it first before they rip off their mask completely. You might not notice them easing towards the side you thought you would have never seen at first because you love them.

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The mask ended up coming completely off right? They went slow at first starting with little things to soul suck you draining every ounce of self-esteem you had. They started criticizing everything, the way you dressed, looked, how you are supposed to feel. They started controlling every aspect of you life, who you could be friends with, how you could dress, how you had to have them with you if you ever wanted to hang out with friends. They ended up isolating you from everyone including family because who needs anybody else when you have them. The longer it went or goes by you find yourself feeling like a puppet while your partner pulls the strings. If you ever mention anything about how you feel, you are overreacting and crazy, so you start to double think maybe your making a big deal about nothing. You are living in hell literally, walking on eggshells, double thinking what you do or say because you do not want to set them off.  Your mind ends up blank because opinions, what are those? You are not allowed to disagree with your partner. Who would you tell anyways because nobody would believe that such a charming and nice person would act like that.

Living In Terror, right? Everyday you just pray things will get better it never does, you always end up doing something to set them off even while trying your best not too, but it never happens. Through the mental abuse you now are dead inside living in a shell. Most of the time it will turn violent in these types of relationships. Even though you have the bruises or whatever that are visible, if someone asks about them you lie. Who would believe you anyways? Everyone close to you will notice a difference in the way you hold yourself most likely, so they might start suspecting things. They might finally try to talk to you about it but you can’t say anything, well it seems like that at the moment. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

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When they do domestically abuse you, they are sorry right? Yea of course they pretend to be sorry, they can not lose their puppet they have been playing with. They might even use the tactic of I’m going to kill my self cause I’m so horrible, so now you’re consoling them, most likely telling your partner everything is fine when you know it’s not. So it will be your fault in the end because if you hadn’t done this they wouldn’t have lost their temper. Are you realizing now that is not love? Your partner will sense that so they will put back on their mask to make everything seem like it’s back to normal. Catch and release is what I like to call it, they are nice and you feel at ease just like a fish finally being released back into the water. They see you bought it so they take the mask back off boom catched again, like a fish struggling for water. You can’t leave until they are finished most of the time. If you can then do it now so you don’t become another woman dead at the hands of her abuser. In most cases they will just ghost you because they need or found a new puppet. You will most likely wonder what you did wrong, why did they just leave, but take it as a win. You will realize how better off you are but you will go through some emotional overload at first, just take the time to heal whether it is months or a year it is different for everyone. Now if you read this and are in a relationship now that matches this. LEAVE them now, no you can not fix them, no they will not change, and yes it will just get worse. You are not dumb or naive, you are a warrior with a caring heart. With all off that being said to the survivors you are stronger than you might think and same to the ones who are suffering silently.

Much Love- Delightfully Chaotic